The Deep Ditch

I see the strength I need,

It is easily within my reach,

But my arms feel like lead,

Heavy and dragged down,

Unable to move towards

Motivation and getting out

Of the ditch I’ve been entrapped by;

Success is literally at my fingertips,

If only I could make a fist

And climb out of the ditch

To reach the goals I need to reach.

Inside the Darkness

I lie weak and numb as the darkness

Grows and deepens with hatred,

Dark shadows lick at my wounds,

Blood trickling down my skin.

I wait for the pain to end

And wait for the darkness to disappear

And for light to shine once more.

I wait for there to be a reason to breathe,

For a reason to feel again

Rather than wasting away as a numb

And empty shell of the human I once was.

 

The Flow of Function

It is not easy to walk in darkness,

Wandering the gray grass fields,

Waiting for there to be any light

Or waiting for the embrace of night

To at least feel the cold.

There is no light shining in my eyes,

There is no warmth in my heart,

And my skin feels numb and weak.

No pain makes me feel,

No food gives me warmth or fill,

No person brings me life again,

A hollow smile to fill a broken face,

A veneer placed to fool the world

That life is normal with no troubles,

To let the world believe that functions flow

Despite the cogs being stuck for ages.

Unable to feel and unable to love,

Yearning to do so hurts more

Than the knife against the skin.

 

Signal Not Found

Emptiness,

Lost emotions that do not exist.

Existence is meaningless within emotion.

Living life disconnected from society

Due to the inability to laugh with someone,

To cry tears with someone,

Incapable of sharing love.

First was the wish to feel,

Then it was just the wish to connect,

Lastly, I just wanted a friend to have

And realize what it meant to connect.

Mechanical Face

“Just be happy!”

You don’t think I have tried?

It is easy to put on a smile,

Pretend to accommodate your wishes,

But God forbid I have issues

That requires time and attention,

Issues that leave me crippled and weak.

But I put on a smile to appease you,

Since your privilege matters more

And broken machines are worthless

In the eyes of the judgmental.

Broken

Darkness follows my every step,

Cloak of ice enveloping me,

The cold reaching deep into my bones,

The only warmth I ever feel.

Not even the needle makes me feel

Warmth or joy, no drink alleviates

The consuming pain of emptiness.

I crave the sweet embrace of Death,

But life is never that easy.

Short Poetry #3

Poem #1

Can the barriers in society

Disappear for just one night

So I can spread my wings

And show my true identity.

 

Poem #2

It wasn’t until the cold

That warmth was experienced.

 

Poem #3

 

Out above the waves,

With the sea in my hair,

I stand with a foot in the air,

Ready to fall into the cave

Below the water, my new home,

That beautiful and sweet catacomb.

Small Poems

This collection will consist of small poems. Enjoy!

Poem #1

A life of love and hope

Is not in my horoscope.

Poem #2

Sad nights of no hope

Are my daily existence.

Day and night, I see no light.
Poem #3

Tales of happiness are

A dream to me.
Poem #4

Fire soars in my heart,

A black and empty soul.