It floated up there,
Nothing big and nothing small,
Floating up above my head,
It’s sharp gaze looking down
Into somber eyes,
Hollow eyes with nothing
Left to offer.
Up there it floated,
Looking into somber eyes
With patience and empathy,
Waiting for faith and hope
To be restored to hollow eyes.
Up there it floated above,
With no hurry or worry,
It waited above, looking below.
Hurt and pain,
That is all I have ever felt
In this sad world.
A sad existence
For someone like me,
Undeserving of love,
With no future.
Drifting away into nothing,
I watch the images flash by,
Retaining nothing and losing
My mind into darkness,
Drifting on the sea of limbo,
Vision blurring into black.
All I hear is static,
Drowning out the voices,
The mind falls to chaos
Because insanity is the norm;
Static causes pain
And the voices cry in agony,
Driving me into panic
And writhing uncontrollably.
There is nothing and everything flowing around my mind,
Passing by while silence thunders past
The nothing that screams at me,
Yet everything bothers me not while I remain motionless.
The drag of the of the cigarette is my only measure of time,
Puff after puff and one stick after another,
Only the darkness that pours into my body
With each hit fills my decrepit soul.
Motionless and frozen in time I lie in this pool of nothing,
Letting the smoke fill the room to choke me to death,
Those smoky hands wrapping tight to rip out my heart,
Letting the blood drip out,
Letting the blood drip onto my chest and filling the cavity black,
The smoke filling my soul, the only thing that can fill my decrepit soul
To make me feel whole if only for a moment at a time.
Lost emotions that do not exist.
Existence is meaningless within emotion.
Living life disconnected from society
Due to the inability to laugh with someone,
To cry tears with someone,
Incapable of sharing love.
First was the wish to feel,
Then it was just the wish to connect,
Lastly, I just wanted a friend to have
And realize what it meant to connect.
I followed the call of the screams
That echoed deeper into the forest,
Behind the mangled fingers and wooden beasts;
I could hear the cry of innocence
Begging to be rescued and taken to safety
From the demons lurking in the shadows,
Prancing around the forest,
Playing with the food it has been presented with.
The shadows grow closer,
Taunting and using my mind
To get closer to corrupt the innocence.
My skin is burns underneath the surface,
Ants crawling up and down,
Setting fire to every cell in my body
And an uncontrollable itch and pain
In an unreachable place.
I claw at my skin,
Talons tearing the skin to shreds,
Blood pours from my wounds,
Yet there is no relief
The anguish I feel.
My heart beats faster,
Breathing gets heavier
With every passing moment
Desperate to feel more,
To feel more than never-ending pain.
My skin dangles from muscle,
Tendons twitching from the fresh air
And tears that pour from my cheeks,
Blood drips to the floor, but all this pain
Led to no eternal relief,
As I know there will be a resurgence of pain.
Do not worry my child,
It will be okay
For you to cry when you arrive,
For I will always be here by your side,
Even if we’re thousands of miles apart,
It will always be okay.
I will be there when you cry,
I will be there when you’re heartbroken
I will be there when you’re homesick.
I will always love you,
Do not be afraid.
Do not worry, you’ll be home soon,
Everything will be okay.