Dreams of the Beautiful Suicidal Souls

So this random idea popped into my head at midnight to write about bullying. Having gone through it myself, I know how low people can go and there are so many stories about how people will commit suicide due to this. So I also decided to start a book, entitled “Dreams of the Beautiful Suicidal Souls” but it may change, it is still in the working stages as I have barely thought of the concept. Here is the first entry that I envisioned.

 

Dreams of the Beautiful Suicidal Souls

 

December 25, 20XX

 

Dear Santa,

 

I know you don’t exist, but it brings comfort to me right now.

I don’t know what to do. This has been too much for me and I feel like nothing can be done. So many people know, so many have taunted and hurt me for what I have done. It was just an accident…

It was an accident. I shouldn’t have gone to that party. But I did. I went and drank. And drank. And drank. I drank so much that I blacked out. But I did recall small things like that I had sex with some guy, I lost my virginity to some guy from school. I was so drunk that I walked half naked around the party.

There were several videos and photos. One even shows me with that guy; he was a kid, maybe a freshman football player. I was called a rapist for that. I was called a slut and pedophile and abuser. I was told I should go kill myself. My locker would get marked with the word “SLUT” and “PEDOPHILE” on a regular basis. I had to leave school. My friends wouldn’t listen to me. Everyone believed the lies. People would throw money at me and ask how much I charged. They asked if I gave that boy a discount for being a minor.

Every day I was attacked. Girls would throw soiled pads and tampons, telling me that I was a filthy as those things. That I was gonna burn with the devil.

On my social media, I would be tagged in photos and videos. Photos of me passed out. Photos of me half – nude. Photos of me with several guys. Photos of me doing things to those guys. One video was of me having sex with that boy…the rest had me drunk and making a fool of myself. I knew I should not have gone. Videos of me pissing on the ground. Videos of me throwing up and crying for help. The laughing, it echoes in my ears.

I turned 17 just yesterday. I wanted to enjoy it I really did. But I also go a lot of videos and photos. Some I had seen, but I also saw some other ones. These idiots even made memes of these photos. I just want all of this to end.

I had such nice dreams. I wanted to have a nice family, with a handsome husband and many beautiful children. Blonde hair, many eye colors if possible. Daughters and sons.

I wanted to go to my dream school and study business. I wanted to work for a Fortune 500 company. I wish I could’ve seen my baby brother grow up. I wanted to see mom and dad live to a 50 year anniversary.

I had so many dreams I wanted to fulfil. But the torment was too much. Every day I shake and every day I cut myself. Today is the day when I leave this world. Maybe I will see a higher power…I will wait and see…

I love you Mommy and Daddy! I love you baby bro, always know that big sis loved you!

Take care of them Santa. I still don’t know why…but it made me comfortable.

I hope I can go quickly…

 

Love you,

Anna Johnson

 

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