There is nothing and everything flowing around my mind,
Passing by while silence thunders past
The nothing that screams at me,
Yet everything bothers me not while I remain motionless.
The drag of the of the cigarette is my only measure of time,
Puff after puff and one stick after another,
Only the darkness that pours into my body
With each hit fills my decrepit soul.
Motionless and frozen in time I lie in this pool of nothing,
Letting the smoke fill the room to choke me to death,
Those smoky hands wrapping tight to rip out my heart,
Letting the blood drip out,
Letting the blood drip onto my chest and filling the cavity black,
The smoke filling my soul, the only thing that can fill my decrepit soul
To make me feel whole if only for a moment at a time.
My skin is burns underneath the surface,
Ants crawling up and down,
Setting fire to every cell in my body
And an uncontrollable itch and pain
In an unreachable place.
I claw at my skin,
Talons tearing the skin to shreds,
Blood pours from my wounds,
Yet there is no relief
The anguish I feel.
My heart beats faster,
Breathing gets heavier
With every passing moment
Desperate to feel more,
To feel more than never-ending pain.
My skin dangles from muscle,
Tendons twitching from the fresh air
And tears that pour from my cheeks,
Blood drips to the floor, but all this pain
Led to no eternal relief,
As I know there will be a resurgence of pain.
When you’re going around next to me,
I feel free and weightless, no gravity
In sight letting me fly and see
Across the sky. You granted me sanity,
But whenever you stepped away,
I would fall down from the sky,
The world would fall into a deep gray
And the world let out a solemn sign
For I wanted to fly higher into the sun
Into the rays of light that shined warmth,
Little did I know the rays of sun was a gun
Loaded with bullets of pain and cold.
Why is it that I feel this way around you,
Colors sound lounder,
Lights are more vibrant,
The world feels better when you’re next to me
And becomes dull when I’m away from you,
For once I finally feel free
From the cage in my mind but as soon
As you walk away, the light dies once again
And the soul cries showers of rain,
Longing to have the colors sound louder,
Longing for the lights to be vibrant,
Longing for your healing presence.
Down the water goes,
Slowly burning as it passes.
Worry not for there is no pain,
For those empty and frail inside
Feel no pain,
As life itself is sorrowful
With hollow meanings.
The water quenches no pain
And adds no trauma
As the world around burns in pain.
There was nothing that could be seen. It was darker than black, the cold enveloping me slowly.
I felt you next to me, warmth radiating off of you, yet I could not reach it. There was no light pushing through the darkness and the warmth gets stripped away, like a black hole, growing bigger with your light and warmth.
Directly in sight, I long to be next to you, your warmth penetrating deeply and fully, engulfing the darkness and eradicating it. Cold replaced with heat, replaced with emotion and passion once again, living life as it should be.
I long to be there next to you, to feel the warmth and passion enter me, to give to you the way you give to me. If only life could be easy and I did not feel empty the way I do now.
Forever lasted the joy you sowed deep
Inside my body, pulsing slowly and
Growing faster, pulsating faster and
Burrowing deeper and stronger through me,
Giving me the energy I need to thrive;
If only it lasted for eternity yet it
Lasted for only moments of life
Because you were fulfilling for just
The few moments you sowed the joy
Deep inside that reached the unreachable.
There was no room left for you
On the marble pedestal I made
For us to live and breathe side by side,
Slowly weathered away by acid rain
That poured from your finger tips,
Burning me with every touch.
The marble stand begins to bend,
Failing and crumbling because of you,
Burning and unleashing constant pain
Onto my fragile skin,
But I stay will stay strong.
I see the strength I need,
It is easily within my reach,
But my arms feel like lead,
Heavy and dragged down,
Unable to move towards
Motivation and getting out
Of the ditch I’ve been entrapped by;
Success is literally at my fingertips,
If only I could make a fist
And climb out of the ditch
To reach the goals I need to reach.