There is nothing and everything flowing around my mind,
Passing by while silence thunders past
The nothing that screams at me,
Yet everything bothers me not while I remain motionless.
The drag of the of the cigarette is my only measure of time,
Puff after puff and one stick after another,
Only the darkness that pours into my body
With each hit fills my decrepit soul.
Motionless and frozen in time I lie in this pool of nothing,
Letting the smoke fill the room to choke me to death,
Those smoky hands wrapping tight to rip out my heart,
Letting the blood drip out,
Letting the blood drip onto my chest and filling the cavity black,
The smoke filling my soul, the only thing that can fill my decrepit soul
To make me feel whole if only for a moment at a time.
My skin is burns underneath the surface,
Ants crawling up and down,
Setting fire to every cell in my body
And an uncontrollable itch and pain
In an unreachable place.
I claw at my skin,
Talons tearing the skin to shreds,
Blood pours from my wounds,
Yet there is no relief
The anguish I feel.
My heart beats faster,
Breathing gets heavier
With every passing moment
Desperate to feel more,
To feel more than never-ending pain.
My skin dangles from muscle,
Tendons twitching from the fresh air
And tears that pour from my cheeks,
Blood drips to the floor, but all this pain
Led to no eternal relief,
As I know there will be a resurgence of pain.
Down the water goes,
Slowly burning as it passes.
Worry not for there is no pain,
For those empty and frail inside
Feel no pain,
As life itself is sorrowful
With hollow meanings.
The water quenches no pain
And adds no trauma
As the world around burns in pain.
There was nothing that could be seen. It was darker than black, the cold enveloping me slowly.
I felt you next to me, warmth radiating off of you, yet I could not reach it. There was no light pushing through the darkness and the warmth gets stripped away, like a black hole, growing bigger with your light and warmth.
Directly in sight, I long to be next to you, your warmth penetrating deeply and fully, engulfing the darkness and eradicating it. Cold replaced with heat, replaced with emotion and passion once again, living life as it should be.
I long to be there next to you, to feel the warmth and passion enter me, to give to you the way you give to me. If only life could be easy and I did not feel empty the way I do now.
Forever lasted the joy you sowed deep
Inside my body, pulsing slowly and
Growing faster, pulsating faster and
Burrowing deeper and stronger through me,
Giving me the energy I need to thrive;
If only it lasted for eternity yet it
Lasted for only moments of life
Because you were fulfilling for just
The few moments you sowed the joy
Deep inside that reached the unreachable.
There was no room left for you
On the marble pedestal I made
For us to live and breathe side by side,
Slowly weathered away by acid rain
That poured from your finger tips,
Burning me with every touch.
The marble stand begins to bend,
Failing and crumbling because of you,
Burning and unleashing constant pain
Onto my fragile skin,
But I stay will stay strong.
I see the strength I need,
It is easily within my reach,
But my arms feel like lead,
Heavy and dragged down,
Unable to move towards
Motivation and getting out
Of the ditch I’ve been entrapped by;
Success is literally at my fingertips,
If only I could make a fist
And climb out of the ditch
To reach the goals I need to reach.
I lie weak and numb as the darkness
Grows and deepens with hatred,
Dark shadows lick at my wounds,
Blood trickling down my skin.
I wait for the pain to end
And wait for the darkness to disappear
And for light to shine once more.
I wait for there to be a reason to breathe,
For a reason to feel again
Rather than wasting away as a numb
And empty shell of the human I once was.
I look into the mirror,
Watching the person staring back
And it could not be clearer
That the figure cloaked in black
Is not who I am.
The figure has my appearance,
Looking at me with disgust
And sorrow because it is inherent
That the eyes do not trust
The figure staring back.
I keep looking and reach to the broken
Glass towards the sharp edges
Tinged deep with black omens,
Blood and deep evils of legend,
Looking at the figure staring back.
My hand feels the warm glass full of evil,
The figure looks right in my eyes,
Grabs my arm and pulls me from Eden
Into the hell that exists inside the glass.
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